jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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