Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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