I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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