i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
