At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
