hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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