The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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