I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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