Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
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