I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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