had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
