i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm having to shit out rocks
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