i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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