hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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