I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
