Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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