You're completely useless in the revolution.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
