Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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