dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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