Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
