i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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