We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
