i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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