i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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