everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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