I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize