i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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