I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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