; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
foreskin is a definite game changer
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
