Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
