I smell stomach acid.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
