I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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