she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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