I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
