It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
