Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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