im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
