if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
