I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
