you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
