Already got asked if we're dating
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
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You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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