she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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