Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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