No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
