great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
