Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
