I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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