Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize