So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
