Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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