Say something about gay babies.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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