she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
