walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
