can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
