Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
