You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
