I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
