Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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