every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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