I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
