we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This girl is more easily done than said...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
