Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
