listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
