Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
