So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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